she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
