Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
