I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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