I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
