So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
