That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
