so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
foreskin is a definite game changer
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
