This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
