So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
