i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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