He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
