This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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