Me. At least after what I've been through.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
