woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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