Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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