Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
