I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
