And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
