now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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