Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
