he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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