if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
