break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
