Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
