How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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