It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
