I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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