sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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