Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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