Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
