just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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