There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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