haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
