i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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