Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
