Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
