I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
