I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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