Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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