the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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