i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize