a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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