sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
