i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
