Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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