My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
These tits shall not be calmed
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