Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
