I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
