I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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