Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
