The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
