I bet he comes in French.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
