She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
