just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
