I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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